About Me

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I'm a teenage girl who enjoys a variety of things, such as flowers, colors, piano, music, henna, writing, animals, reading, acting, creating, talking, moving, learning, smiling, and playing. This blog is about my life, interests, and observations.

Monday, August 30, 2010

To Exist.

I just read a book set in the future. Everyone has their own feed - posting pictures and blogs and videos - everyone is always connected, everyone wants everyone to look at them. To be famous is to get what you want, no questions asked. Not too different from the world as we know it now, is it? But it brought to my attention a certain question: what if you unplug, and no one is looking at you anymore. Do you still exist?

The answer is yes, of course, but the frightening truth behind the question lingers: most (if not all) people want to be acknowledged, to really prove their existence to the world. They want to leave something behind, to be remembered. But it's also a question of security. Do you still feel comfortable in your skin, doing what you're doing, if you're the only one giving yourself approval? Or do you feel you need the eyes of the world on you, nodding, giving you a pat on the back?

A rough quote from the book is, "Don't worry, you'll still exist, even if you don't have a camera pointing at you."

There are so many people I know and look up to, all of whom are confident and happy and secure in who they are as people. But I still can't help but feel bad for the people out there that think they need to be showered with attention to feel alive, and as soon as there is no one looking at them, think they're alone. That doesn't seem like a happy or fulfilling "existence" to me, if it can be called one.

So here I write my own philosophical inquiry:

If you do something and no one knows, did you do it? If you did something only so someone would know, was it worth doing?

If you're alive but no one knows, do you really exist? If you live only so people know you exist, is it a life worth living?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


What has Abbi been into, lately? What has been keeping her attention, what is teaching her patience and tolerance, and what is getting her psyched about the future?

Her brand-new black and red, glowing, shiny Gateway FX6840-03E.

As I'm constantly looking out into the world and searching for passions that excite me, my interest has always been drawn back to electronics. I don't know what it is about gadgets, but I love them. Starting with my jogger's CD player (it didn't skip if it was bounced around!), to my Zen Creative (hand-held, hello?), to customizing a hand-me-down desktop, to my own pink laptop, to my iPod Touch, and finally, a completely up-to-spec Gateway desktop. I love it all! (The one thing I never cared that much about is a cell phone, go figure.)

What has me most excited about this computer, now? It started off with me needing a computer that was capable of playing the new Final Fantasy MMORPG, Final Fantasy XIV, and extended to "hey, I never had a really good computer for myself that would allow me to play on it when I want, and do more demanding things like Sims 3 or World of Warcraft raids."

Eventually, it lead to me doing it all, and with a giant grin, too. I did the research on the processors, the graphics card, the ideal RAM and hard drive space, and then compared the prices. I found the best one that would suit me, the deals that would be coming in the future, the monitor that I would want to accompany it, the keyboard, the mouse, the chair. (Computers can be really pricey when it comes to all the little things. I still don't have speakers covered.) I learned so much, and didn't realize just how giggly I could get about something mechanical.

And now? I have her. She's fast, she's red, she's silent, she has rotating wallpapers (this is my first Windows 7 computer) and she can hold everything I'll ever, EVER need. Her ATI HD Radeon 5770 graphics card is gorgeous, too. I played with the idea of getting the 5870, but maybe that'll be later, when the price is lower.

The power this thing has, it's mine! And, if you can't tell, I am thrilled. I'd be lying if I said the experience was without its frustrations, ex. where do I put it, why isn't Sims loading right, what if I delete this, etc. But most - if not all - of that is sorted out now as I finish the final touches. Now, with Alec's help, I understand the ins and the outs, I know what I'm putting on it... it won't get bogged down with stuff that I didn't need before. All of my pictures will be in their appropriate, organized folders, all of my bookmarks are relevant to me and labeled correctly... there are no broken links, and everything is orderly. When FFXIV comes out (Sept. 30th) she'll be prepared to tear it APART. This computer has me so happy every time I see it it's ridiculous. And yet, here I am, proud to say, she belongs to me and I love her.

Oh, and if you were wondering... her name is Scarlet. ♥

Friday, July 09, 2010

These are a few of my favorite things...

Throughout my life - as I'm sure others have also done - I've continually found sounds that I love hearing... here are a few simple pleasures that make my ears sing.

The crunch of a crisp pine cone.

A finger's perfect snap.

Gentle, dripping waterfalls.

Harsh, storming waterfalls.

Babies giggling.

The crunch of a crisp autumn leaf.

Freshly-baked, crackling almonds.

Fingers typing quickly on a keyboard.

That one high, pristine note on a harp.

A slow exhale.

That clack, when someone snaps their tongue in their mouth.

The crunch of a thin layer of ice on the side of the road.

The build-up, and eventual high screech of a tea kettle.

Birds chirping.

The rustle of leaves outside.

And finally, complete, utter silence... silence, eventually to be cleanly sliced through by any one of the aforementioned sounds.

Sharp, clear, focused. Such clarity is rivaled only by...

Relaxation; wispy, dreamy. Calm and gently at peace, enjoying the serenity within one's own mind, and bathing in the simple sounds all around us.

This how I like to live my life, and this is how I like to hear it.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Acting Camp

This summer is going to be pretty busy for me; busier than most years, anyway. I'll be attending three different camps: Laura Bowman's ETUSC in August and Vermont Session 3 NBTSC in September being the later two. But the one that's the most risky personal leap for me, is the two-week intensive acting course with the Georgia Shakespeare Co. It will take place Tuesday - Saturday, July 20 - July 31, 10:00 AM - 5:00 PM.

My actual acting experience is extremely limited. I had small dancing parts in the Paul Bunyan Playhouse productions of Winnie the Pooh and Peter Pan, and I fell in love with plays. The behind-the-scenes, the make-up and costumes and props, the coordination mixed up with improvisation, and the amazing, creative people behind it all. I've tried out for a couple other plays since, but after moving to Georgia, it's slipped my mind and I haven't pursued anything.

Still, I've always loved memorizing and performing monologues. I performed V's introductory speech (from V for Vendetta) at the 2006 Live and Learn conference, and more privately memorized Helena's heart-ripping accusations toward Hermia as Lysander and Demetrius both proclaim their love for her (from A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act 3, Scene 2). I also worked on a few of Lady Macbeth's soliloquies.

So, as I said, I'm finally pursuing this interest again by attending this camp (through no small part from Madeline Rains, to whom I am most grateful.) It's the first time I've ever taken part in an intensive course, but I'm really excited. And anxious. And nervous. I have no idea what to expect, except that I plan to jump in head-first and do my best. I know that I didn't get a few acting roles in the past because I was too caught up in having fun and being silly - at the time I was between 8 and 10, so can you really blame me? - but I really want to take this opportunity seriously this time, and really learn from the actors that are here to help me. (For more information on the camp itself: http://www.gashakespeare.org/camps I'll be attending the "High School Conservatory".)

I suppose the last thing I'm left with is the wonder if I should prepare beforehand, or just continue with my days as I have up to this point, and just enter with an open mind. Like I said; I'll be present, listen for advice and constructive criticism, and just... be all that I can be! I won't worry about needing more until I'm there, and if it does call for something I'm lacking, I should be set to take care of it then.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Been a while, eh? Recap!

Hello, Blogger. Remember me? Yeah... some couple, six months ago or so, I said that I would write here more often. So, uh... so much for that. But there's no use dwelling on what I failed at doing! What I can do now is write a little recap! "What has Abbi been up to?" some of you may be thinking? Or maybe you aren't actually thinking that, but you're willing to read on anyway? Maybe you don't care in the slightest and you're right now typing into the URL space I Can Has Cheezburgers? Either way, this what I've been doing! Or... what I can remember doing.

In May, we drove up to Minnesota for our family reunion, and general family and friend visity stuff. It was a very, very long drive, but Alec and I bought the new Pokemon games for the ride so we were entertained for quite some time. Well, actually, the entire way up felt like a couple minutes, and the entire way down, I was reading. So I guess it'd be more accurate to say it felt to everyone else like a very, very long drive; I'm lucky to be able to zone out into a book or a DS game while in the car, which happens to make things go quite a bit faster. The trip itself was a lot of fun, too, but we were all glad to be home when we got back.

A little further in May (or before the trip, I'm not sure) we had a conjoined birthday party for Kyra and Sierra in Johnson City at a roller rink. I'd never rollerskated before (or I had, once before, at the same location and only a couple weeks prior to the party) so I was very inexperienced. I was lucky to have only fallen over a couple times. It was a lot of fun!

Almost a week ago this month, the "Big Four" of Metal went on a tour together in Belgium. The Big Four are Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer and Anthrax. This is the first time they've played together, even though they've all been around for over thirty years. To sum the exact... "effect" these bands had on the music world, they practically invented metal, as well as revolutionized it over the years of their fame. So needless to say, the tour was huge. So huge, it was being broadcast to theaters all over the world! Alec and I went to it in Cumming, and it was pretty... epic, for lack of a better word. Four hours of metal that went from 7:30 to 11:30. Very enjoyable, but left me extremely wiped. Now what I want most is to go to a Dream Theater concert, but Alec assures me that that won't be for another year or so, at the least. Boo.

And finally, most recently, Kyra, mom and I have been playing with felting projects! I made a circular color-ball, two little... cartoony face things, and a giant Poliwag! Pictures coming soon. Maybe.

I guess the last little details would be the TV shows that we've been watching- Buffy and Angel! ...that's right, Buffy and Angel AGAIN! I'm watching Buffy for the third time and Angel the second, this time with Kyra. I'm still in love with both series, so they're as fun as ever.

Well, more details on my life coming up later, and in more detail, as they occur to me. Maybe I'll write more about the events these last couple months, or maybe some later stuff... either way, I'm glad to have at least brief across this little life of mine that had gone un-blogged about for so long!

See you soon, and I'll try my best not to forget about you next time.

No, really. I'll try.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

My first Unconscious Mutterings

Week #362

Click here if you want to play.

  1. 365 :: Kittens

  2. Tombstone :: Crypt

  3. Dumb :: Dumber

  4. Intrusive :: Cruel

  5. Fat :: Phat/Cool

  6. Axe :: Handle

  7. Planned :: List

  8. Spike :: (Hot) Vampire

  9. Bleach :: Color

  10. Shopkeeper :: Service

Wednesday, January 06, 2010


Hmm~. I was going to get a tragus piercing. That's the little cartilage knob right in front of the ear. I have thought for years that a little silver stud there would be adorable, and I've planned to get it ever since. I had no specific time frames, so I was content to just wait until the urge really overwhelmed me. There were a few occasions where we were going to go out and get it done, but every time something else happened. Eventually mom convinced me to research them a little more before making my full decision. As I said, I wasn't in a huge hurry, so that was fine. In fact, I only just got around to it last night.

*If you're a bit squeamish, you might want to skip the next paragraph.*
The tragus is considered an "exotic" ear piercing. You are most likely going to be asked to lie down on your side while they pierce it, because the needle takes a bit more pressure to puncture the thick cartilage, and that way your head has the most stable position and won't move. It doesn't, however, hurt as much as everyone thinks, because there are very few nerve endings within it. Blood is almost always inevitable, even for the first couple hours after.

It is suggested you clean it two to three times a day, and because it is more prone to infection (thick cartilage), it is suggested that you swap out a clean pillow case every three or so days.

After reading all of this, I was still convinced that I wanted the piercing. I was talking with some friends about it, and jamming to my Avenged Sevenfold music, listened through my brand-new, highish quality earbuds that I got for Christmas. It was then that the thought occurred to me... that I wouldn't be able to wear earbuds or headphones for the first ten weeks after the procedure. I'm not sure if I'd be able to fit them in correctly at all afterward, with the stud's clasp in the way.

Whelp, that idea's out! As I said, I still love the piercing, but I'm not sure if I'm quite willing to pay for something that's aesthetically pleasing, but affects the functionality of my entire ear. I guess I'll have to think of something else... a cartilage piercing for my right ear, perhaps? Another lobe piercing...? I am DEFINITELY getting a tattoo when I'm legal to!

Naive you are / if you believe / life favours those / who aren't naive. -Piet Hein, poet and scientist (1905-1996)

Tuesday, January 05, 2010


I've really never used a calendar all the way through the year. I've always bought the really cute ones, with the horses or the gardens or the art posted right under each month's name and right over the days, but I never got past February. Then it would end up folded or bent, collecting dust in my junk drawer with the rest of its discarded kind. By the time I finally remembered it, it would be past the year that it was meant for, and all of those pretty pictures would go to waste. Saddened by their loss, I would resolve to go out, buy a new one, and make use of it this time! ...well, rinse and repeat. By February...

Eventually I wore out of this, and just stopped buying them. I mean, why have them hanging around? Mom has her wooden calendar hanging in the kitchen, and I have a laptop that tells me what time/date it is at any point in the world (currently 3:45PM in Paris, and Wednesday, 1:45AM in Sydney), so why would I deliberately pay money for something disposable that leaves a hole in the wall, and just tells me things I already know?

The answer that I came up with to that question is the reason I haven't had a calendar since I was nine. The reason I have one now, is because of Mrs. Laura Bowman. I saw the calendars that she had on her wall, and they were pieces of art! They were almost like scrapbooks, or a variant of a journal! With little hearts and stars on days that were particularly good, people who came and how long they were staying, events they were going to... all I ever knew about how to fill out a calendar was the rudimentary way of crossing out each day until there were 365 X's!

To sum it all up, with Laura's piece of inspiration to create a wall-journal of my life throughout the entire year, I now have a "365 Days of Kittens" calendar leaning against my desk in my room. I plan to fill it out with love, colorful sharpies, and maybe even a sticker or two. As mentioned in my previous post, I want to be able to look back on it in a couple years, and take the time to remember decorating it and think about what I did that year!

Is it unusual that I seem so adamant about cataloging my life? Maybe, but I'm enjoying it, so maybe that's just the kind of person I am. Here's to the calendar!

Monday, January 04, 2010


Happy New Year everyone!

I've come to realize lately, that I like recording my thoughts. Be it blogging, journal-ing, Facebooking, creating personalized calendars, or even vlogging a little bit, I want other people (my future self included) to know my thoughts on things. I tend to be a very opinionated person, and I'm also very interested in the way a person changes over time, so maybe this is all just an experiment to see if I still agree with myself in ten years. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But I know that when I read it, I'll remember exactly where I was all that time ago (like right now, sitting in a warm house on a cold morning, wrapped in a blanket that is way too big for me), and I'll remember what I was feeling, what I was thinking. I'll take myself back ten years... and I'll see if I'm still the same person.

Because of this interest of mine, I have been writing in a journal. I had been going on and off since I was about eight, but as of the last... maybe about ten months, I've been doing my best to make frequent entries. I still enjoy reading back. I still enjoy experiencing the changes. What had seemed like a slow progression and evolution different thoughts through the months, can be read in a matter of minutes. And my opinions certainly DID change! "I love World of Warcraft!" "The internet is so great!" "I think I'm going to write a book!" "I don't like the book anymore." "I'm done with the computer for now." "I'm really excited to go to [insert location here]!" "I'm feeling sick now, I don't think I can go." "Healthy again! It'll be a blast!"

I also like recording little pieces of information that I would have long forgotten about in later years. It reminds me, again, what I was feeling in that particular moment. I don't think that inconspicuous memories should be lost just because they're small. It brings me down to earth a bit, I guess, to remember what my favorite cereal was at the time, or my favorite song.

In a way, these entries are like tethers to my memories. Sure, there is a chance that I would have remembered all of these details without the need to remind myself... but with them, I can really pull them in again, if they were lost. They're physical evidence of how I felt. A little piece of that moment that I have with me in the future.

Anyway, I think I was going somewhere with this. I may start blogging more. Recording those small, little thoughts for other people to read too. My journal is personal, but sometimes I feel like I want to share it. So, as a compromise, I'll share them here! Let's see how I do.