About Me

My photo
I'm a teenage girl who enjoys a variety of things, such as flowers, colors, piano, music, henna, writing, animals, reading, acting, creating, talking, moving, learning, smiling, and playing. This blog is about my life, interests, and observations.

Monday, August 30, 2010

To Exist.

I just read a book set in the future. Everyone has their own feed - posting pictures and blogs and videos - everyone is always connected, everyone wants everyone to look at them. To be famous is to get what you want, no questions asked. Not too different from the world as we know it now, is it? But it brought to my attention a certain question: what if you unplug, and no one is looking at you anymore. Do you still exist?

The answer is yes, of course, but the frightening truth behind the question lingers: most (if not all) people want to be acknowledged, to really prove their existence to the world. They want to leave something behind, to be remembered. But it's also a question of security. Do you still feel comfortable in your skin, doing what you're doing, if you're the only one giving yourself approval? Or do you feel you need the eyes of the world on you, nodding, giving you a pat on the back?

A rough quote from the book is, "Don't worry, you'll still exist, even if you don't have a camera pointing at you."

There are so many people I know and look up to, all of whom are confident and happy and secure in who they are as people. But I still can't help but feel bad for the people out there that think they need to be showered with attention to feel alive, and as soon as there is no one looking at them, think they're alone. That doesn't seem like a happy or fulfilling "existence" to me, if it can be called one.

So here I write my own philosophical inquiry:

If you do something and no one knows, did you do it? If you did something only so someone would know, was it worth doing?

If you're alive but no one knows, do you really exist? If you live only so people know you exist, is it a life worth living?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


What has Abbi been into, lately? What has been keeping her attention, what is teaching her patience and tolerance, and what is getting her psyched about the future?

Her brand-new black and red, glowing, shiny Gateway FX6840-03E.

As I'm constantly looking out into the world and searching for passions that excite me, my interest has always been drawn back to electronics. I don't know what it is about gadgets, but I love them. Starting with my jogger's CD player (it didn't skip if it was bounced around!), to my Zen Creative (hand-held, hello?), to customizing a hand-me-down desktop, to my own pink laptop, to my iPod Touch, and finally, a completely up-to-spec Gateway desktop. I love it all! (The one thing I never cared that much about is a cell phone, go figure.)

What has me most excited about this computer, now? It started off with me needing a computer that was capable of playing the new Final Fantasy MMORPG, Final Fantasy XIV, and extended to "hey, I never had a really good computer for myself that would allow me to play on it when I want, and do more demanding things like Sims 3 or World of Warcraft raids."

Eventually, it lead to me doing it all, and with a giant grin, too. I did the research on the processors, the graphics card, the ideal RAM and hard drive space, and then compared the prices. I found the best one that would suit me, the deals that would be coming in the future, the monitor that I would want to accompany it, the keyboard, the mouse, the chair. (Computers can be really pricey when it comes to all the little things. I still don't have speakers covered.) I learned so much, and didn't realize just how giggly I could get about something mechanical.

And now? I have her. She's fast, she's red, she's silent, she has rotating wallpapers (this is my first Windows 7 computer) and she can hold everything I'll ever, EVER need. Her ATI HD Radeon 5770 graphics card is gorgeous, too. I played with the idea of getting the 5870, but maybe that'll be later, when the price is lower.

The power this thing has, it's mine! And, if you can't tell, I am thrilled. I'd be lying if I said the experience was without its frustrations, ex. where do I put it, why isn't Sims loading right, what if I delete this, etc. But most - if not all - of that is sorted out now as I finish the final touches. Now, with Alec's help, I understand the ins and the outs, I know what I'm putting on it... it won't get bogged down with stuff that I didn't need before. All of my pictures will be in their appropriate, organized folders, all of my bookmarks are relevant to me and labeled correctly... there are no broken links, and everything is orderly. When FFXIV comes out (Sept. 30th) she'll be prepared to tear it APART. This computer has me so happy every time I see it it's ridiculous. And yet, here I am, proud to say, she belongs to me and I love her.

Oh, and if you were wondering... her name is Scarlet. ♥